mentalness
• Case o1I have this problem. There is this girl I am in love with but every time I am near her, I end up groping her and she gets mad at me. It wouldn't be that bad except for the fact that she hits - hard. Also, she seems to be preoccupied with saving her dead brother, and that takes the little attention that I do recieve, away. I know she loves me, but she seems to want to move slow. However, I want a child to carry on my family's curse, should I find another woman to bear me an heir in the meantime? If I don't do something soon, I may end up dead, seriously brain damanged or worst, heirless!
Please offer your advice.
Buddah Bless You,
Not Contented
Inuyasha
You need help with a problem like that? What kinda people do I hang out with?! For starters, you hentai monk, stop groping her and she won't hit you, therefore you won't have to die or be brain damaged. About her brother. Yes, he is dead. So what's the harm in killing him again? She won't have to know it was you. Another woman? Well, as long as it isn't Kag-
Kagome
SIT! What are you doing? Putting ideas like that in his head, Inuyasha! Ahem. Anyway. Miroku-sama, as I've told you before, you and Sango are a great couple! And, do not kill her brother, or I will tell her myself. As for your heir, if you so much as touch anyone other than Sango I will shoot you with my purity arrows so many times people will think that you are a walking cactus. I've worked way too hard to get you guys this close. Well, that's all, good luck Miroku.
Kikyou
...There are no words. To think that Inuyasha and my reincarnation is in the company of ones such as these. The world is doomed, it really is up to me in the end after all.
• Case o2
A long time ago there was a woman that I loved, but according to my sources, once I became possessed by hundreds of demons, I killed her. Now, so many years later, I've finally found her once again, but she seems to be a different person. A person who now roams the lands trying to escape the affections of an annoying hanyou - at least I think that's what she's doing. She never really shared her thoughts with me. In fact, I think that she really doesn't like me too much. In that case, I change my topic, how do I make this woman fall madly in love with me, a poor dead bandit, before my time runs out and I am sucked back into my old body?
Hurry!
Kagome
Ewwwww...I know who this is, it's that weird naked man who keeps chasing me around! Inuyasha, you take care of this one - NO! Not with Tetsusaiga, this is supposed to be rated G! Put it away before I say the S word again.
Inuyasha
Feh. First of all, if you KNOW that this woman hates your guts so much, than just lay off and go away! Secondly, it is obvious that she is madly in love with the 'hanyou' that she travels with, so there is no hope for her to ever share your feelings. Also, another word of advice, find some clothes before taking walks in the woods and stop killing every person that you see, maybe you'll find someone new who actually CARES, if you give them long enough to live.
Kikyou
Wait a minute, he was in love with me? Everything makes so much more sense now...
• Case o3
I am madly in love with a miko, but every time I go near her there is always this certain fleabag hanging around. This man is a mere annoyance to my future mate and my blossoming relationship, but even I get worried at times. Should I have my pack hunt him down and tear out his guts? Or should I wait until later to kill him and steal away my love.
With all my love, to my love
Prince
Kikyou
I've taken control, seeing as those other two are more than incapable of giving out sound adive. So, prince of the wolves, I shall help you. What you need to do is take my approach to life, just take your woman by force. Although technically you would be with me in the end since Kagome is my reincarnation; but I'm here now, so that doesn't count. Right? Anyway. You could always try dragging her to the depths of hell with you, it's a good way to pass the time and strike fear into your loved ones hearts. I'll let you in on a secret, it's rather entertaining to watch.
Kagome
Kikyou! What are you telling him? That's a terrible idea! Hey, wait a minute Inuyasha, I wasn't done-
Inuyasha:
Ok Prince, now that I know what that horrible stench is, I'll tell you what you can do. First, you should just jump into a lake and wash off all YOUR fleas, because even Kagome can see them jumping on around on your fur every time we are near. Now to the point. There is NO 'blossoming' relationship, if you haven't noticed. The only relationship that is growing is between ME and Kagome. Also, no matter how hard you try, there is no way you can ever kill me, you wimpy-wolf. So why don't you just go marry your fiancé and let me handle Kagome.
• Case o4
Long long ago, about the same time when 'Hurry' up there was alive to be exact, I was infatuated with a certain hanyou. However, we were tricked and I thought that he betrayed me. Now I am a dead shell stuck amoung the living, and I cannot find rest until I take my lover's soul to hell with me. Don't ask me how I got such an impulse, heck, if I loved him so much, why would I want him to go to hell? But still. Anyway. What ticks me off even more is that my reincarnation is having her own little affair with my man. What should I do? Can I kill my own reincarnation? Or should I just bop the boy on the head and drag him with me into the depts of the earth? Please help.
Restless
Kikyou
Ah, you poor woman. How I feel your agony. The injustice, the pain, the complete horror. You could always go on a mad rampage and kill everyone, or you could also come up with a plan to make half of the fandom hate you. I've chosen the same, as you can see. No one understand such ones as such as us. Live, my friend, live to the best of your ability and one day you shall prevail!
Inuyasha
...Kikyou, why are you even writing in this column and then answering your own questions? At least I understand that you had some sort of plan. Hey, Kagome, what-
Kagome
Same question as above, although I might try it later. In fact, I have a few questions of my own, such as why you remain with your own personality with only a bit of my soul left in you. What makes you tick, so to speak? Then there's the whole soul stealing business. Gah, you've just confused us even more!
• Case o5
I am being forced to be a slave to a dirty disgusting man with oily hair. I've tried to run away and/or revolt a few times, but he always catches and punishes me. What makes it even worse, is that I smell the same as this monster, and I am a woman! I want my own scent, not a man-scent! Sometimes, when enemies attack my 'master', and he seems to have quite an abundance of those, I'll try to sit back and watch them kill the horrid man. But, every time they come even close to defeating him, my master runs off like the coward he is. What sould I do to be free from his evil clutches?
Ticked
Kagome
Well, um...errr. This seems to be new. Well, Ticked, How did you end up with this man in the first place? And why do you smell like him? Are you his mate or something? If his hair bothered you that much in the first place, why marry him? Anyway. I think that you and this man should get some professional counseling, since it seems that you harbor an unnatural hatred toward him. However, if worst comes to worse, try putting a subduing spell on him as he is sleeping, then he'll have to listen to you.
Inuyasha
Feh, wench, that takes up too much time. Here's what to do Ms. Ticked. Kill him, and kill him fast. As he sleeps at night, first, wash his hair, because a greasy head wouldn't make a good trophy, then slice him to pieces. Or maybe you could tell your problem to your master's enemies and you could all work together to defeat him. About your scent, take a long bath in a hot spring. In fact, to change your scent, you could have this weird 'strawberry' smelling stuff that Kagome uses, it just makes me gag, and soak for about 2 hours in a hot spring. Not that it would help much, but you could always hope.
Kikyou
He notices what she smells like to that extent? For shame. Anyway, on to your situation comrad, I think those two above me have offered quite sound advice. For now, just put up with him. However, as a man, if he loves you, he should change whatever you want so you can be together happily - so try forcing him to get a hair cut and take a bath or something. Sickening.
• Case o6
I am a wonderful, strong, undefeatable and pure demon who is in charge of the western lands. For a while now, my half-breed brother has been lowering his self-esteem by traveling with a smelly human. Also, this spoiled brat his stolen my father's sword, and what's worse, he can't even use it properly. If I could just take this sword, I could become undefeatable and slay the corrupt human that is ruining my brother's life as well as expand my lands. It's a win-win situation for everybody and my brother could finally see how disgusting humans are. Heck, I could care less what he does afterwards. Anyway, how do I take the sword, that is rightfully mine, and get rid of the annoying human woman?
Regards,
The Little Green Man As Dictated by Fluffy
Did you just call yourself Fluffy? And I thought you detested that name. On to your problem, Sir Fluffy. I think that you are overestimating this 'corrupt human' that your brother travels with. Personally, I don't think that it's any of your business who your brother keeps for company anyway. How exactly is this a win-win situation for the beautiful human female that you plan to kill? More importantly, why would your brother have something that is yours anyway? If it were truely your sword then your brother would not be able to touch it.
InuyashaYou. Why is it that everyone I hate somehow finds their way to this column? Maybe I'll just shut it down, or kill everyone. Anyway. First of all, I think you need to work on fixing your ego, because there is no way that you are wonderful and strong since I've beat you numberous times. Unless you are saying that I am more? You leave Kagome out of this, if you so much as touch her I swear, brother, that you'll lose more than your arm next time. Why are you complaining about humans anyway? Now that you have that bratty kid with you all the time, I think that you should be more concerned for your own personal issues. We'll continue this topic after we've defeated Naraku.
Kikyou
Corrupt human? What madness is this! Heck, it took me five hundred years to reincarnate, you cannot just go killing everyone you find that has a smell you dislike! Especially if it's me! Well, an aspect of me. Sorta. A little bit. Anyway, why not seek advice for something more important - like defeating Naraku? It sounds to me as though you have a brother complex.
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